


Bedtime Story

by woodpusher



Category: The Game Plan (2007)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-08-13 19:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20179759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodpusher/pseuds/woodpusher
Summary: This is a mild rewrite of a scene in the movie.  There may be more on the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fabrisse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabrisse/gifts), [Shini_is_Death](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shini_is_Death/gifts).

"Aren't you going to tell me a bedtime story?" Peyton asked her father.

"What do you like? Let's see....How about Jack and the Beanstalk?

"Okay."

"Jack had told his owner...I mean his mama...that they needed to trade The Cow." 

"That's not how it goes. His mama told Jack to trade the cow." 

"It was mama's cow." 

"Oh."

"Jack went off in pursuit of the Big Game. The road to the Big Game goes through the Golden Triangle." 

"Golden Triangle? I don't remember anything about a golden triangle. I thought it was a golden goose." 

"Um....let's see...the Big Game is "The Large Animals." - Panthers, Bears, and Bengal...Tigers." 

"I thought it was a golden goose," said Peyton.

"It was a spruce goose, and it honked its way around a great big apple. The Giant lived there too." 

"It was a long way through the forest to get to the Golden Triangle. Jack got scratched up pretty badly by the Panthers, Bears, and Tigers. Jack called his mama and told her that they needed to trade The Cow. The Cow had been a Longhorn, so when Jack and the Cow arrived at the ranch to meet the Cowboys, they made the trade." 

"They traded the Cow for some magic beans." 

"Jack already had the magic beans, so Jack's mama got the pick of next year's litter. What Jack had to do next was to plant the magic beans in the magic garden. But the Cowboys had their own magic beans, and they were going to do everything they could to stop Jack. 

Jack got his friends together and tried to outrun, outthrow, and out-cowpunch those cowboys. Every time Jack or one of his friends planted a magic bean, the cowboys came back and planted one of their own. The day wore on, and Jack was down to his last bean. There were only seconds to sundown. Jack was going to toss the magic bean to one of his friends, but there were cowboys around every one of them. Finally, Jack tucked the magic bean under his arm, and ran. He ran and ran, dodging one cowboy after another. Finally, he made it to the magic garden and planted the magic bean, right before sundown. His friends lifted him over their shoulders and carried him into the sunset."

Did he make it to the Golden Triangle?

"That will have to waif for next time. It's past your bed time."


	2. Bedtime Story II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same church, different pew
> 
> Yes, this story is a bit too brainy for Joe Kingman.

"Aren't you going to tell me a bedtime story?" Peyton asked her father.

"What do you like? Let's see....How about the 12 labors of Hercules?"

"Okay."

"The first of the labors was for Hercules to kill the Detroi-, no the Nemean Lion. 

The next was to kill the Miami Dolph-, I mean the Lernaean Hydra. Hercules found that when he stiffarmed one of its heads, two more would grow in its place. But, in the end, Hercules burned every head of that hydra.

The next labor was to capture the Washington Red-, er, Hogs [1], I mean the Erymanthian Boar. That boar was nasty, but Hercules just wore him out. He corralled that pigskin and took it all the way home. 

The next one was the Colts of Indianap - or no, it was the Stag of Artemis. That stag wasn't dangerous, but it was fast. That didn't matter because Hercules was faster. 

The next one was the Philadelphia Eag-, or no, the Stymphalian Birds. Those birds clawed and scratched just about every one, but Hercules stretched his bow, flung his arrows, and shot those birds down. 

The next labor was to clean out the Green Bay Pack...or no, the Augean Stables. There was old cheese all over those stables, but Hercules discouraged them. Before you could say Omaha five times, that old cheese had walked on its own out to the parking lot. 

The next labor was against the Buffalo Bill-I mean the Cretan Bull. Hercules picked up that bull and tossed him to the ground. That bull was no problem at all.

The next labor was to steal the girdle of Hippolyta. You see, "hippos" is Greek for "horse," and "Hippolyta" is "she who unbridles the horses." So Hercules had to sneak into the the cheerleaders', I mean Hippolyta's dressing room and steal Hippolyta's girdle. 

The next labor was to round up the cattle of Jerry Jone-er, rather, the Cattle of Geryon. That Geryon was one nasty fellow. But Hercules showed up at the ranch and led those cattle away. 

The next labor was to round up the Mares of Denver, or Diomedes rather. They were once called the Bronco Belles, and then the Pony Express, then just the Bronco cheerleaders after that. Well, they're paid next to nothing, so it was actually easy for Hercules to get them to...defect.

The next labor was to capture the Golden Apples. There was actually one apple in particular. It was guarded by Giants on one side and the spruce goose on the other. But Hercules snatched that apple away. 

The 12th labor was pitted Hercules against the Cleveland Brow- or no, the dawg pow-, or no, Cerberus. Yes, Cerberus was a rowdy dog with three heads that guarded the gates of hell. Hercules shut that dog up and completed the 12 labors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] The Redskins aren't called The Hogs much any more, but it was the best fit I could find,


End file.
